November 17, 2015

eyes wide shut.....

..........back in January of 2013 my eyes started feeling weird. My eyelids felt heavy and I had difficulty keeping them wide open. People would think I was asleep or tired, it felt uncomfortable but I kept quiet not knowing what it was. Then on December of that same year, my eyes just shut closed. I tried opening them but couldn't, I used my fingers to keep them open but still couldn't. So I decided to tell Joe ( the hubs & personal doctor) my symptoms and he gave me a diagnosis, not a very good one. He then consulted with a neurologist and she performed a test on me and it confirmed the diagnosis Joe gave me. An autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. Quickly I was put on medication. Gradually it was increased to almost dangerous high doses and my eyes and symptoms didn't change or got better at all. We decided to go for a second opinion. This other neurologist had me have a million tests and blood work to discard any possible malignancy with my muscular and/or inmune system. Thank God everything was negative, I had a false positive diagnosis. So he discontinued my medication right then and there and referred me to a neuroophtalmologist that same day. He saw me quickly and gave me a diagnosis as soon as he saw me. Blepharospasm, which is a continous and never stopping spasms on my eyelid muscles. I can't keep my eyes open because these spasms won't let me have control over my eyes. Bad news is there is no cure, I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life. "Good" news is it's treatable. The treatment is therapeutic Botox, NOT cosmetic, every three months. The Botox relaxes, freezes, the muscles on my eyelids  and around the eyes so the spasms are not too severe and I can keep my eyes open. I've been on treatment for a year and a half now. I look forward for that day every three months like it is Christmas. But sometimes it just won't work as desired, just like the last two applications (6 months). They were not so good, my eyes were not responding to treatment. So yesterday was Botox day. The Dr. increased my already high dose and we are hoping for the best. Once he injects me I have to wait ten days for the medication to take effect, I'm hoping my eyes will be open for Thanksgiving Day. 
I hate to have to explain people that I'm NOT asleep, I just need to rest my eyes thru the day. It drains me physically and mentally. At the end of the day I'm very tired, it takes a lot of physical effort trying to keep my eyes open.
Why am I explaining this? Because if you're reading this blog and see me around you won't be asking me why I'm squinting my eyes or have them closed. 
I'm so grateful of my family because they help me so much, they make my life so much easier. They drive me everywhere I need to go, though I'd rather drive myself but can't, guide me when I'm "blind", and give me the strenght I need to go on and keep my sanity. 
So, there it is, my condition, my need for Botox, the reason why I don't get together with my bestie as much as I'd like and rather stay home secluded. 
I live day by day. One day at a time.

April 8, 2015

me at 42......

.......obviously I'm not aging gracefully. Two plastic surgeries and another on the way. Whatever it takes. Why not? Nothing that this cutie can't improve. His hands are the best, almost magical. He's perfection at it's best, so he'll be my transformer until I'm pleased.

PS; and thanks to my mother for paying for them!

March 15, 2015

portion control...... Jenny Craig this time. I'm on my own. It's not easy but it's doable. I've already lost 4 lbs in two weeks. I hope I'm not too weak and can finally reach my goal. 

March 1, 2015

hello........ dearest March! You have always been and will forever be my favorite!!!

February 22, 2015

50 shades of.....

......I don't know how I feel about the movie just like I don't know how I feel about the books. I guess they're ok. The movie was pretty true to the book, I liked that. Honestly I expected more from the books. I thought they were more erotic, but they are not worth the hype. They are so repetitive that at one point they bored me. I like them but I don't love them. And that's my humble opinion. If you read the books, go watch the movie, you'll like it. 

February 13, 2015

to vlog....

....or not to vlog?!?!? There is so many people  with their channels on youtube that record their everyday lives. Some even make their living out of it! Boring, entertaining, whatever they decide to do, they record or better said vlog. It's interesting how people ( me included ) spend time watching these vlogs, following these strangers whereabouts.
Well I am seriously thinking about it. What if somebody gets interested in my boring little life!

February 10, 2015


.....I wish this was me for once in my life. Don't get me wrong, I've had a life many would have wanted, but still I've had so many dreams and goals that I know I will never be able to achieve. This thought makes me think; what if I had chose different what would my life be....

February 9, 2015

So..... has happened since last time I was here. Now both of my kids are in  college

our family has a new member. A furry one. Her name is  Nala and she's a puny little bundle of joy.

I've been on a thousand diets. Lost the weight, gained it back, story of my life...I will forever be a fat chick I guess.Many things had happened but I will tell eventually, for now I just wanted to be felt. To have my presence noticed after so long.